


Yeah, I Did

by meepahdeedoodah



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Friendship, Hawk and beej have a heart to heart ok, Hawk is v insecure and BJ is v supportive, Hoo boy do I love those commas, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, but not romantically, i guess, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 22:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meepahdeedoodah/pseuds/meepahdeedoodah
Summary: "What is the obsession with making your fave characters suffer and be sad?" - My sister as I wrote this.On a lazy day at the 4077, BJ confronts his bunkmate about something he noticed. Sadness and a heart to heart ensues.It's ok it's a happy ending!





	Yeah, I Did

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic, so please tell me what you think of it. Also I wrote this at 2 am so don't be shocked if it makes zero sense.
> 
> I just love my boys so much, and they just mean so much to each other. Set roughly around s4/s5.
> 
> Also the idea of Hawkeye being queer really helped me in my own life and so I thought I'd honour that with this piece of crap fic.

All was quiet in the compound on that warm Thursday afternoon. After 36 hours in the OR two days prior, everyone was delighted to find out that there were no more casualties expected in the next week, and were going about their daily business, however boredom was already begining to set in. Frank was on post-op duty, and with surgical-glove-netball and checkers exhausted, Hawkeye and BJ were looking for a more humourous avenue of entertainment.

"I say we go for a classic, put his hand in warm water when he's asleep," BJ exclaimed "Or, and this is a good one, we could put some liver in his footlocker, wrapped in some of his boxers"

"You do what you want but I refuse to go near Ferret Face's boxer shorts." Came Hawkeye's retort, over dramatic as ever.

"Ok what about under his pillow instead?"

Hawkeye then was blessed with a memory from what felt like forever ago, with Trapper, where they had done that exact thing to Margaret. He chuckled to himself softly, and shaking his head, got up from his cot and moved towards the trusty still. The trusty still he built with Trapper. Shit.

He stopped dead, and, noticing the sudden change in his bunkie's demeanour, BJ adjusted his tone accordingly. "You ok?" He asked, worried about his best friend, all the while keeping his voice soft and calming, as he was known to do on the occasion of Hawkeye being in a low mood.

"What? Oh yeah, of course I am. Trapper and I actually did that before, but to Hot Lips a while back. Maybe we should consider something else. Anything else, for the great Hawkeye has never been known to repeat any of his glorious escapades!" He rambled, in desperate attempt to cover his lapse in character.

"Hawk."

Damn, why did Beej always have to see through him so well. Time to deflect.

"I mean, I guess we could repeat the prank, with a few minor adjustments, now, Frank probably won't notice, but Margaret is who I'm worried about, because if Frank knows, Margaret knows, and if Margaret thinks I'm going stale she'll spread it around all the nurses and next thing you know I've lost my reputation as the camps resident prankster, however if that happens we could work on it and make it look as though we are going out of business, only to return with a real winner, I'm thinking - "

"Hawkeye!" BJ's voice rang out around the Swamp, filled less with rage and more with worry, instantly cutting off his best friend's nervous ramblings. "Hawkeye, what's really going on?" He questioned.

"Nothing I swear!"

"Liar," started BJ, tone soft and worried, rather than harsh and mean, as Hawkeye expected. "It's about Trapper, isn't it?" And when he received only a small nod in reply he continued. "Hawkeye, I may be wrong on this but I'm gonna need you to hear me out," he continued, piquing Hawk's interest, as well as scaring the crap out of him, as he suspected what BJ was about to ask.

Hawkeye nodded slowly, as all of the reactions he could use in the event of BJ questioning him about what he tried so hard (more or less) to hide, were running through his mind.

"You loved him didn't you?"

There it was, the question that could ruin his life, the question that would make everyone he loved hate him (bar his father, who had known about his preferences since he was 15). Time to deflect. Again.

"Of course I did! He was the only thing grounding me in this crappy place! My comrade in arms, my partner in crime, together in all kinds of weather, how could I not love him?"

"Hawk. You know what I mean."

Cue a momentary staring contest, and then Hawkeye, already weary of the world, sinking down onto his cot, surrounded by an air of defeat. Then, after a moment's contemplation, he admitted something he swore never to tell anyone, with 3 simple words; "Yeah, I did."

The silence was deafening, and Hawkeye felt like he was drowning in it. He couldn't look at BJ, couldn't face him after this. So he didn't. He stared at the floor and hoped with every fibre of his being to sink through it.

He heard BJ take a breath, as though about to speak, but he beat him to the punch, shrinking as small as he could, "I'm sorry" he whispered, "I'm so sorry" in a quiet voice, like he would shatter into a million pieces if he dared to go any louder.

BJ must've decided against saying anything, as no words ventured into the silence, but Hawkeye heard him move, get up off his chair and felt the cot sink as he sat down next to him.

They sat there for a while, silent and unmoving, until BJ shifted, and broke the hush.

"Hawk."

Hawkeye took a deep breath, preparing to be berated, degraded, told he's disgusting by one of the people he valued most in the world. Preparing for the worst.

"Hawk." Beej repeated, "Love is love," he said, putting an arm around Hawkeye, "it doesn't matter that Trapper was a guy, or at least to me it doesn't." He continued, "It shouldn't be illegal."

Hawkeye couldn't believe his ears, certain that this was all part of an elaborate prank to humiliate him, but his friend seemed so sincere, and honestly, he needed someone not to hate him for this so desperately that he felt the need to believe BJ, he needed to believe BJ, for the sake of his own sanity.

Tears clouded his vision as he whispered "You don't hate me?", and his voice cracked and the tears began to flow, breaking BJ's heart in the process.

He pulled Hawkeye close and told him "I could never hate you Hawk."

And they remained like that for some time, with BJ's arm wrapped around Hawkeye, and Hawkeye soaking BJ's sleeve with tears, until his eyes were dry and his breathing even, and he slowly raised his head from its place on the rock that was his best friend.

He gave BJ a grin, which turned out more like a grimace with his eyes red from crying, but his friend got the message nonetheless, and moved over to his own bunk, so that he was now facing Hawkeye. Hawkeye watched as BJ looked over at his own shoulder and mock-grimaced, stating "I've heard of water on the knee before but c'mon!" This brought a laugh forward from both of them, significantly lightening the mood.

After they were both silent again, BJ looked over at his friend, and started "So... Trapper?"

To this Hawkeye could only reply with his own "Yeah. Trapper."

"Did you two ever...?"

"What? Nah. I mean, we kissed once in Tokyo, in our hotel room, but we were both stinking drunk, and I don't think he remembered it in the morning, or if he did, he certainly didn't say anything about it. I guess I can be thankful for that."

Hawkeye dropped his eyes down to the floor, pain of loss aching in his chest, however mixed with relief, that BJ didn't appear to think any less of him.

"No," he continued, "he was straight as far as I knew, maybe a little bi curious, and yeah, he fooled around a lot with the nurses, but when it came down to it, he loved Louise, that's his wife, more than anything, and he would've given the world for Cathy and Becky, they're his daughters." 

He looked back at BJ, worried he may have changed his mind, and decided that Hawkeye was disgusting after all, but in his eyes he saw understanding, respect, and genuine care.

There was more silence, but rather than deafening, it was more comfortable. This conversation wasn't over, Hawkeye knew that, but he was happy to be able to talk openly talk about his true self, even if it was only with BJ.

"He wasn't your first, was he?" Asked BJ, breaking the silence again. Only this time, Hawk was more than happy to answer that, feeling lighter than he had in years.

"Nah. I like men and women, but there have been guys before, and there'll be guys after, I'm sure, but he was just perfect. The one good thing in this whole crappy war, my reason for getting up in the morning, the one thing that made all of this" he gestured wildly at nothing in particular, "bearable."

BJ nodded in understanding. "I can see how he would be hard to get over."

"Exactly", replied Hawkeye, flatly.

"...Hawk?"

"Yeah?"

"Am I the only one who knows?"

"More or less. I mean, there's my dad, he knows, and there have been some guys, of course, but other than that, yeah. I guess you are."

BJ hesitated for a moment, as though not really sure what to do with this information, before giving Hawkeye a sincere smile, and saying "Hey, thanks for trusting me with this. I know it must've been hard."

Silence again, but this time, it was Hawkeye who put forth a question. 

"How long have you known?" He asked.

"I never knew, just suspected," BJ corrected, "and I started to guess a couple of weeks after I arrived here. Just the way you flirt a bit too much to be joking with some of the patients. Smile a bit too wide at a couple of them. Things like that. Relax, you're not obvious, it's just I noticed you talk about Trapper the same way I talk about Peg."

"Oh. Ok."

They sat in silence for a moment more, before Beej continued, "I think one of the kids in post-op has a thing for you, Private Lewis, I believe."

"Yeah I know. We've been talking." Was all Hawkeye supplied, and BJ left it at that.

"So... How about we move all of Frank's stuff two inches to the right and watch him fall over it for a couple days?"

Hawkeye grinned.

"You're on."

**Author's Note:**

> It's painful (for me), but they're gonna be alright.
> 
> Anyone notice the sneaky reference to s2 e22 "George" in there? With the whole "pancreas under her pillow"...
> 
> Anywho comment what you think of it, or you can find me on tumblr as "uncletrapperandaunthawkeye".
> 
>  
> 
> I tried.


End file.
